Good for a chuckle

A friend just sent this to an email list we're on, and I just had to share - with my personal comments added in, of course. ;-)

You know you're a mom when....

You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

(I have to admit, I never had this problem.  By the time we got a cordless phone, the little ones were no longer little.)

You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

(There are other types of pants?)

Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

(*snort*  Oh, yeah, I remember those days!)

Popsicles become a food staple.

(Freezies, in our household, but only in the summer.)

Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

(TV?  We usually didn't have tv.)

Peanut butter and jelly is eaten for at least one meal a day.

(Peanut butter, sure, but jelly? *shudder* )

Your baby’s pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her after you suck the dirt off of it because you’re too busy to wash it off.

(Yup!  I've done it!)

You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

(Another one I've never had happen.)

Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

(LOL!  You bet!  Well, not so much anymore...)

You’re up each night until 11 p.m. vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, creating lesson plans, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, NOT you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog.

(ROTFLMAO  Yeah.  Right. Most of this list just didn't get done.)

You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet … you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

(Well, that implies going to bed in the first place... :-/)

In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.

(The body hair dustbunnies that accumulate behind the bathroom door give me the creeps...)

You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.

(Lucky me, my kids never really cared for sweets.)

You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it’s the only one your child eats.

(We didn't have ketchup in the house most of the time. Is that unusual?)

You have time to shave only one leg per shower.

(Shave?)

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

(LOL  It didn't work.)

Your kid throws up and you catch it.

(And a whole lot of other things I don't want to think about...)

You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.

(We'd make our own.  It was safe to eat.  Made for some interesting toilet colours, though.)

You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; but your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun anyway.

(Hmm... was never an issue.)

You find yourself cutting your husband’s sandwiches into cute shapes.

(Nope - I never got into those.  Who's got time to fiddle around with hungry kids hanging off your legs?)

You’re eating lunch out with a friend and you say “I bet I can eat my spinach faster than you can.”

(Eating lunch OUT?!?)

You can’t bear to give away baby clothes–it’s so final.

(*sniff*)

You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, “Not in your good clothes.”

(LOL!!  Not that particular example, but yeah, I'd done things like it.)

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

(Uhm... not really.  My mother did the best she knew how to do, but that's as charitable as I can get.)

You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is “above average.”

(Not quite - more like being proud of my elder daughter's extensive vocabulary, grammar and sentance structures - at age 2.  Bad grammar still drivers her bonkers. *L*)

You know you are a mom when the gifts you love most are made from construction paper or popsicle sticks, watercolors or glitter, even finger paint. A bouquet of dandelions that are “just for you mommy” are treasured more than a dozen roses, the macaroni necklace more than a gold.

(*melt*  You bet!)