Dilemma

I haven't been posting quite so much in this blog lately - at least compared to my other blog, which sees quite a bit more activity on my part.  I find myself having some difficulties posting about our home school related activities, and there have been a number of reasons for that.  This is part of it, and I ask any readers I might have to be patient with the following vent.

I have a dilemma.

When we first moved to our current city, I joined in with a local home schooler's support group.  I found out about them through their e-group.  One of the beauties of online communications is that it really makes things easier for a family like ours, that moves as often as we have.  It has allowed us to step into local communities we've never physically been part of, yet have known members of for a while; sometimes for years.  

In the now 4 years we've been here, our local circle has expanded to now include 2 local support groups and 2 local e-groups.  One of these e-groups is not affiliated with any external group.  The only connections are that we all home school, and that we live in the area.  The list is open to any conversation, plus people use it to organize get-togethers in real life as well.  It's not a very busy list, and it's generally amiable.  Very rarely to feelings get hurt or conversations get heated.

The other e-group I'm on is used as a communication tool for a support group.  This is a formal group with membership fees, an elected board, lending library and more.  There are regular get-togethers and events throughout the year.

This is the list my dilemma is centered on.

It's not meant to be a conversational list.  The group itself is supposed to be open to all local home schooling families.  It's neither secular nor religious, is not affiliated with any particular school board, etc.  While topics on the email list are generally supposed to be group related, people are allowed to send information to the list that they think others might be interested in.  Sometimes, these lead to conversation and feedback, sometimes not.

When we first joined the group, there were very few things off list that we could participate in.  At first, it was due to transportation issues.  Not having a vehicle of our own, it took a great deal of time - and timing - to get to things by bus.  So I really didn't know much about the group outside of what I saw on the list, and in the one regular event we did take part in; park days.  A fair number of people in the group never went to park days, so I never encountered them outside the email list.

If you at all follow my other blog, you might have noticed that my interests are rather eclectic, and I've been doing a lot of research on various things.  More recently, that research has centered on the topic of Anthropogenic Global Warming (AGW).  This, in turn, has lead me to other areas that may be unrelated in subject, but related as examples of the amazing amount of junk science we're being inundated with.  Because I have been spending so much time researching these things, and find them of great interest, I will talk about them with other people when the subject comes up.  I don't tend to bring the subject up myself, though.  Especially on email groups.  But if someone sends information to an email list that I happen to have researched, I will take part in any discussion.  Especially if information being sent is something I've discovered to be incorrect.  I don't accept things at face value anymore and will spend some time looking things up if I haven't already been researching it.  If I feel I don't know enough about a topic brought up, I don't respond.

Now, I know full well that things are easily misinterpreted when you're dealing with text only.  People often write things and fire them off without editing first, or really thinking through how they've phrased something.  Having seen flame wars inadvertently started by such things, I'm generally very careful with my responses and go over them thoroughly before hitting the send button.  I've made such mistakes before and don't want to repeat them.  If possible, I'll get family members to read what I've written, not just to email groups, but blog posts as well, to get fresh pair of eyes.  This is my way of fighting back the Typo Demon and Grammar Goblin, too.  

I'm also extremely conscious about not making disagreement personal.  If information is sent that I know to be wrong, it's very important to me that I don't come across as attacking the person, just disagreeing with the information.  Now, I might attack the source of their information, but if I do, I try to explain why I find that source unreliable.  

Most of the time, on other lists, this can lead to interesting discussions.  I don't expect everyone to agree with me, and value the thought out opinions of those who disagree with me.  

What I have discovered on this particular egroup is that, unless you are an AGW believer, hater of all things man made, fearer of chemicals, and unquestioning acceptor of the scare de jour, you're not welcome to say anything on this list.

I've also discovered that I am a lightning rod, and that while my countering of topics, no matter how careful I am to ensure I am only questioning the information, not attacking the person who passed it on, my posts are not acceptable.  The list moderator will come on board and remind people that such discussions are not to be had on the list, and to take them off list.  People on the group who agree with the original topic, however, are perfectly welcome to comment - make personal attacks on me on list, without moderator wrist-slapping (even if it's immediately after the moderator called to have things taken off list).  It got to the point where anytime I wrote something, the moderator would jump on it, even though others had already commented.  I suppose it would be no surprise for me to mention that the moderator happens to agree with the information - or even sends some in herself - that I've found myself responding to in a contrary fashion.  (I have, by the way, tried to take things off list, but the personal attacks just get worse when the writers know their words aren't being read by the group.)

Normally, when such blatant bias is shown on an email list, there would be no reason for me to stay.  If this group is meant to be for a bunch of people who all think the same way, and they all want to pat each other on the back over how enlightened they are for their beliefs, so be it.  But that's not what this group is supposed to be.

There are two reasons I haven't just left the group.  One is, I'm a member of the Real Life support group this list is for.  I still haven't been taking advantage of the resources, though.  When we got a vehicle, I was thinking of starting to go to the monthly meetings and get more involved.  Then I discovered that someone who equated me with holocaust deniers and racists because I disagreed with AGW was on the board.  Several other people who attacked me personally on list, and were allowed to by the moderator, would be at these meetings.  So even though the current president is someone I know personally and has even defended me on list (she may or may not agree with me an any particular topic; that is irrelevant), I still found myself hesitating to take part in group activities because all these other people would be at the meetings.  I didn't think I'd be welcome (and, it turns out, I was right).

The other reason is that, every time I've spoken out on the list, I have received private emails from people thanking me for doing so.  It turns out there is a significant number of members that never post to the list because they are afraid to speak out.  More so when they see how personal attacks on me are allowed, and dissenting opinion in general is not.  I was cleaning up my inbox recently and found a bunch of emails, from both attackers and supporters, that I thought I'd deleted.  The number of people who support me far outnumber those who have attacked me.

What it comes down to is that there is a small group of vocal people in this group that is allowed to speak out on certain topics because they hold an accepted point of view - and they take full advantage of that - while those who would disagree with those points of view have no voice.  I've been called brave for daring to speak out.  Brave.  How wrong is that?  It seems this is something that has been going on since the group started, which is at least 20 years ago.  Wow.

It's become obvious to me that this vocal group doesn't want me on the list at all, that they've complained at least to the moderator about me, if not the board as well, and that they've tried to have me removed from the list.  I am not wanted on the list, and I've even had it confirmed that I'm not wanted in the support group, by this vocal segment of the membership.  As a paid member of the support group, I can't just be kicked off.  To be honest, I'm surprised my check for the membership fee was even cashed.  

Things came to a head again recently, and it was over Jamie Oliver, of all things.  A video link had been sent, which I didn't look at right away, so I didn't comment.  I used to like Jamie Oliver, but not anymore.  It's probably a good thing I didn't watch it until later, as you can read about on my other blog.  No, that wasn't what tipped things over.  What happened was, someone else had made a comment about a specific thing in the video, and I responded to that person, and it was not favorable to Jamie Oliver.  The moderator immediately sent her wrist-slapping message.  Oh... and I should probably mention that the original link, which I never did respond to, was sent by the moderator?  The person I did respond to defended me, saying she didn't think my post was questionable or breaking the rules.  I should probably mention that the person who defended me is the current group president. 

Yeah.  Thinks came to a head.

So now there's going to be a meeting about the role of the egroup and so on.  I'm being privately encouraged to go by a number of people.  My husband has even said he'll come along, which is a huge deal for him.  His health hasn't been the best lately, and he's constantly exhausted.  It's going to sap a lot of energy out of him to go along.

Anyhow. 

I'm torn by the whole thing.

I don't want to be a shit disturber on the list.  If I did, I'd be sending my own links to the group.  At the same time, I don't feel comfortable seeing bull shit passed on to the list unchallenged.  A couple more posts like that came through today, and I'm chafing like you wouldn't believe, stopping myself from responding.  I swear, critical thinking isn't allowed on the list or something.  I can't stand it when people blissfully accept whatever piece of BS is out there, so long as it confirms their preconceived dogma.  I try to be patient - after all, not many people have the time or interest in doing the research I do - but some of this stuff is actually quite harmful.  One of today's was an article link about yet another chemical scare.  I started reading it with Eldest and, within the first paragraph, she was already stunned into jaw-dropping disbelief that anyone would take it seriously.  The other post?  It was promoting a book that is so bad, the Financial Post named their junk science award after it, and the author is the first person they presented it to.

Were this just another egroup, I would have left long ago.  It is, however, part of a Real Life support group, and there are some really wonderful people in this group (the moderator is actually one of them - I may disagree with her on things, but I actually like her a lot and think highly of her.  I don't think the feeling is mutual anymore).  

I also remember all those emails I've received over the years from people thanking me for speaking out.  No one else does, though the president has tentatively stuck her toe in the water.  Me?  I've developed a pretty thick skin over the years, and have lived through too much crap to be bothered by what other people think of me.  If my being attacked on the list means I'm shielding other people, I can live with that.  

I just don't know what's going to happen in this upcoming meeting.  I feel like I should be girding myself for war or something. 

How sad is that?